Eating Together

 

Here is a guest post from my daughter, Helen. She lives in England with her husband and their two beautiful, bright little girls aged two and a half and four and a half. She knows all the ins and outs of raising a healthy, happy family in this fast-paced modern world. I hope she will guest again soon. Thanks, Helen.

 

We all have images that we can remember about the kind of food we ate as children, where we used to sit and who sat with us.

 

I am very lucky to have memories of eating together as a family, around a dining table with freshly prepared, home-cooked food – and not just on special occasions, but everyday. When I talk to other people about their childhood memories of food and mealtimes, there is a mixed bag – some are as fortunate as I was and have the same recollections, while others, whom I would consider less fortunate, remember eating on their own, or in front of the TV with a TV-dinner or a take-away.

 

Without exception, it is the children who ate pre-prepared meals without the social aspect of dining together, who have grown up into adults who can’t cook, who eat on the run and are generally less concerned about what they put into their bodies.

 

Families these days live very separate lives – parents are working and children have very busy lives of their own – often involving the fetching and carrying services of one or both parents – so preparing a meal and eating together can seem a difficult thing to fit in. But here is a challenge to change just one thing:

• If you rarely eat together, plan one day a week where you can all sit down together – and do it
• If you rarely cook a meal, plan one meal that you prepare from scratch, choose a simple recipe and give it a go
• If you find yourself preparing several different meals because of fussy children (or spouses), prepare one meal that everyone will eat (like spaghetti bolognaise, macaroni cheese), get the kids involved too  – making a salad to go along side or garlic bread, and then eat it together
• Keep the television off and encourage your children to talk about their day

 By setting the scene and getting your children involved in the preparation and cooking of meals, as well as the social aspect of dining together, you are not only giving them a healthy start, you are giving them a life skill that they will appreciate for years to come – even if they don’t like to be told to keep their elbows off the table now!

Baby foods

There are many commercially produced baby foods available these days. I used to, occasionally, buy the fruit purees for my children when they were babies, but having tasted the bottled ‘dinners’ once, I never bought them again. Cereals are the exception to my ‘home-cooked only’ rule; they are the correct consistency and texture (according to age) and are usually fortified with various vitamins and minerals.

Babies often prefer bland tasting foods and it is really easy to prepare fruit and vegetables for them at home. By cooking at home you have complete control over the amount of salt and/or sugar added, plus the added bonus of the food containing no preservatives, flavourants or colourants.

To begin with, a baby will probably take no more than 2 to 3 teaspoons of ‘solids’ at one time. Obviously, you won’t want to cook that quantity fresh every day, but you can successfully freeze tiny portions in an ice-cube tray. One vegetable I don’t like to freeze is potato. To me, it develops an unpalatable flavour when it is frozen or refrigerated, but you can overcome this by mixing half potato with half sweet potato.

When first introducing ‘solids’, it is probably best to start with root vegetables, although some people do introduce fruit initially, apples and pears often being the favourites. Breast milk and formulas are both sweet, so babies will readily accept fruit, but there are long-term advantages to getting them accustomed to savoury flavours first. Carrots and butternut are both naturally sweet, and most babies will enjoy them.
Broccoli and cauliflower are strong flavours perhaps best kept for bigger babies.

If you feel you must use commercial baby food, then try to buy ‘organic’, and always check the nutrition label and contents. The contents of all food products is always listed from most to least, so if you are buying strained carrot, then carrot should be the first item on the list. And hopefully salt, sugar and fillers will not be included at all.

Food neophobia

According to research done in the U.K., up to 80% of children inherit their fear of new foods from their parents. Unfortunately, these children will avoid healthy foods like fruits and vegetables preferring to stick with less healthy but familiar foods. We all know children who reject even the idea of tackling Brussels sprouts, cabbage and cauliflower. The advice offered to overcome food neophobia is to keep serving the new food alongside food that your children are familiar with and happy to eat. Once they gain familiarity with the food, and are comfortable about it being on their plate, they may try a nibble

What intrigues me is: when we weaned our babies, didn’t we start them on strained fruits and vegetables? I know I started my children on carrots, then I added courgettes and potatoes, etc. Over time, the only thing that changed was the coarseness of the mix. Mind you, my children have never suffered with neophobia. My eldest, who used to love all her veg mashed together with the addition of a little gravy or marmite, did get fussy for a while. Then everything had to be separate on the plate – and spaced from everything else. But she did eat it all.

My middle child appeared to stop eating for a while, just long enough for me to wonder if she might be anorexic. But she started eating again after about four days, and even ate enough to make up for lost time! Years later, when she went onto the ‘maintenance’ program with Weight Watchers and continued to lose weight at a rapid rate, her lecturer even asked her if she was anorexic… her reply was that she loved food far too much for that to be the case!

My son was only ever picky about fish – which came about because he always seemed to get at least one bone in his serving. He has overcome this with age, and now enjoys fish.

The moral? Start them out right. Fresh fruit and veg, preferably prepared at home, from the very first meal. Why would they ever look askance at a vegetable?

Is your child overweight?

Although it is fairly easy to calculate the number of kilojoules an adult requires per day - based on age, gender, health and activity levels – the same cannot be said for children. Children have different energy requirements to an adult, and a higher need for nutrient dense food; that’s nutrient dense, not kilojoule dense. If a child is overweight, rather look at the kind of food he or she is consuming and the amount of exercise he or she is getting.

A formalized diet doesn’t work for children any more than it does for an adult; children need to be shown, by example, how to make healthy food choices. This means choosing fruit and vegetables over sweets and fatty foods. Fish fingers, chicken nuggets and fruit juices are frequent menu items for most children – these are high in kilojoules for the nutrition they supply. Far rather offer plain fish or chicken, and always dilute fruit juice half-and-half with water. Just one teaspoon of fat equals about 792kjoules, as opposed to a teaspoon of protein or carbohydrate which equates to about 374kjoules.

Children are by nature energetic – they like to run about and explore, and they are continually testing and learning about their environment and the people and things in it. In contrast, when mum and dad get home from work, they are often mentally exhausted and just want to sit and relax. Generally, children want to spend time with their parents, and will choose a sedentary activity just so they can be in the same room. Sedentary activities such as playing computer games or watching television burn up far fewer kilojoules than taking the dog for a walk, doing some gardening or riding a bicycle. All of which can be fun for the family. If the climate you live in doesn't encourage outdoor activities, a Wii is a great indoor alternative..

As a parent, you are a role model for your children. Don’t apply rigorous dietary strictures to an overweight child – singling out one child and treating him or her differently from the rest of the family will only cause conflict, unhappiness and, possibly, future food related issues. If your child is overweight, then the only way forward is for everyone in the family to take steps towards healthy eating in the home.

Family meals

These days, what with work, school, home-work and extra-mural activities, it can be difficult to get the whole family to sit down to a meal together. But making the effort to share a meal around the dinner table is well worth the effort in scheduling.

A family meal, eaten together, nourishes the family bond as well as the body. It provides a time for communication. We often spend more time and effort cultivating our friends than our family members.
When did you last spend more than five minutes talking and listening to your children – or spouse for that matter – without instructing or criticizing?

Research shows that family meal times foster identity and a sense of belonging. Children who eat with the family show lower rates of smoking, drinking and illegal drug use as well as having higher academic achievement.

Try and eat together, as a family, at least five times a week. Turn off the television. If you feel uncomfortable without some background noise, then play soft music – preferably classical. The slower pace of the music will encourage slower eating, which is far better for digestion.

Have a great weekend.

Tuck shops

When I was at school (millennia ago, it seems!) there was no such thing as a ‘tuck’ shop. We either took a packed lunch from home, or ate a ‘proper’ cooked meal in the school cafeteria (I can still conjure up the smell!), and at break we were given 1/3 pint of milk. These days, every school seems to have its own tuck shop, staffed by volunteer mums.

I find these venues to be easy roads straight to unhealthy eating. The menu may include ‘toasted sarmies’ , hot dogs, pies (of dubious vintage) and Chelsea buns the size of a small pick-up truck! Other than these delicacies, there are inevitably sweets (candy), chocolates, cold drinks (sodas) and chips (crisps). And the poor child who doesn’t have tuck money is sometimes pitied, oftentimes ridiculed.

We don’t have a Jamie Oliver in South Africa, and our volunteer tuck shop mums don’t seem concerned about the sort of tuck their children are tucking into. So our children fill up on starch, fat, sugar and E-numbers at break, and more than likely go home to a sandwich or 2-minute noodle lunch! Did they eat a healthy breakfast? Do they get a decent evening meal? I’m willing to bet that many of them have take-aways – pizza, fried chicken, burger and chips – more than once a week! Do they even know what vegetables are? Oh, they may have a passing acquaintance with lettuce (1 leaf), tomato (1 slice) and raw onion, because those come on a burger. No wonder most children are squeamish when it’s time to go to Gran’s for Sunday lunch, and they are expected to eat all their vegetables (although in South Africa, Gran is probably going to have a braai (BBQ) anyway, and the veg can be sidestepped yet again.

And where’s the fruit, other than in juice form in a box?

Take a close look at what your children are eating on a daily basis. Are they developing healthy eating habits? Do they get the opportunity to make healthy food choices? You are the only example they have, and you are the only one who can educate them. Now. Before they become overweight and even more unhealthy.

Kids and their relationship with food

None of us wants to have to deal with eating issues in our children, so here are ten pointers to get you through those ‘picky’ stages that occur every so often.

•  Don’t force your child to eat – if s/he doesn’t want to eat now, s/he’ll make up for it at the next meal time (maybe!).
•  Don’t try bribery – yes, it may work, but what kind of a precedent are you setting?
•  Try to eat meals with your child, and set an example with your own plate.
•  If your child is old enough, let him/her help with meal choices.
•  If you offer choices, limit them to 2 – e.g. scrambled egg OR fish fingers.
•  Keep on introducing new foods – and keep on trying them.
•  Let him/her decide when s/he has had enough – even if you don’t consider what s/he just ate to be a decent meal.
• Your child may actively dislike a particular food. S/he has individual tastes and favourites just as you do.
• Choose your battles wisely. Is it really worth the upset, tears and anger?(not just at meal times, either!)
• You can always produce a ‘favourite’ meal of his/hers, like pasta or egg custard or yoghurt if you are feeling desperate about getting some (any!) nourishment down him/her.

Fresh air and exercise are great appetite stimulants – even running around the garden for 15 minutes

Nature and nurture

Did you ever think, when you looked at a newborn baby, that (s)he is already everything (s)he will ever be? (S)he is. So is that teenager. So is that good looking guy in the next office. So is your grandmother. All of these people have potential, and it's all down to genes.

Our genes (nature) come from our biological parents - half from mum, and half from dad (and each of them got their genes half from mum and half from dad, and each of them etc. etc.). Genes dictate race, hair and eye colour, gender and blood type. But, beyond that, genes provide us with potential in every area - physical, mental and emotional. And it is nurture that feeds and allows that potential to develop. (This is my personal opinion and you are welcome to disagree - many people do!)

Nurture is usually regarded as the effect of family upbringing, but it goes way beyond family influence. We develop, mature, change, grow and evolve throughout our lives - physically, mentally and emotionally - because we are exposed to new environments, stresses and experiences on an almost daily basis.

Family upbringing - I'm using the term 'family' rather broadly here - has the greatest and most lasting impact on our eating habits, and therefore on our physical health. Children grow taller now than in previous generations because food is more readily available. Children (and adults) grow fatter now than in previous generations because portion sizes have increased way beyond what the body actually requires. We grow fatter and lazier because there is so much processed food available.

Isn't it time we got back to nature and nurtured ourselves, and our children, with healthy portions of fresh nourishing foods? Eating habits are formed at a very early age, but they can be changed. Change yours now. And help your children learn and enjoy the benefits of healthy eating.

Striving to thrive

We all want to thrive and succeed. We all want to be valued for who we are and what we do, at home, at the office and in the community. Very often we feel we are not thriving, succeeding or valued in any area of our lives. A lot of this comes down to our own lack of regard for ourselves.

We are last on our list of priorities, whether our needs are spiritual, mental or physical, everyone and everything makes the top of the list while we leave ourselves trailing behind. And no matter how much time, effort and money we expend on the front-runners they never seem to move off the list entirely and make room for us at the number one position.

One thing we can do is take five minutes in the evening to assess our performance for the day. Even if we have had an 'unproductive' day, we nevertheless completed some important tasks. We prepared meals, made at least one bed, dropped and fetched children from school or creche, supervised homework, listened to a friend, spouse or colleague with attention and sympathy, made somebody smile.

All of the above - and plenty more - are worthy of recognition and appreciation. They are all everyday tasks that you complete without even thinking about them, they are second nature. Value yourself for them, even if nobody else seems to.

Bear in mind, we all feel this way. We also need to show others that we appreciate and value them - we don't do this often enough. It only takes a hug, a smile and a 'thank you'.

Wouldn't a hug, a smile and a 'thank you improve your self esteem?

Banning treats

It seems that banning treats altogether, or imposing miserly restrictions is more likely to create a greater desire for them... and not just in children.

We have all started diets thinking that the easiest way to lose weight is to exclude certain foods. This is a fallacy. No food groups - even sugars and fats - should be totally excluded. They each have their place in a healthy eating plan. If we ban all the sweet stuff entirely, we just feel deprived and depressed. We need to take control and limit quantities.

Our efforts to improve family health and lifestyle can succeed. We have to realise that no improvement comes without effort. So, for a start, we can buy fewer treats when we do the grocery shopping. Decide, before you leave home, which treats you are going to buy, and in what quantities. To decide what quantities to buy, you have to designate treat times, of course. And once back from shopping, we can keep those treats in their very own container, on a high shelf. Out of sight, out of mind. The treats that come in a strip or bag of individually wrapped portions are a great aid to self control.

How often should we serve treats? Certainly no more than once a day.  Give children their own choice of treat from the available selection, and let them decide when they want to eat it. Maybe after supper is a good time, or they might want to include it in tomorrow's lunchbox. But... once the day's treat is gone, it is gone. And that applies to adults, too. One rule for everyone in the family.

The art of conversation

Eating has always been viewed as social and sociable. We always offer refreshment when anyone visits, even if it is only a cup of tea, it will be accompanied by cake or biscuits. And if we are offering alcohol, then there will more than likely be crisps or nuts. And, hopefully, conversation.

I often think that the art of conversation has been buried alive under television, radio and technology. When did you last have a conversation with someone? I mean beyond a greeting. When we ask someone how they are, do we really expect them to answer us fully? We, more often than not, hope that they won't because a full and truthful answer might embroil us in lengthy sympathy or insincere congratulation. Or, heaven forbid, they might ask for a favour!

We all talk, but do we all listen? And here is the usual excuse - we don't have time. At least, that is our perception.

Have a real conversation this week. Even if it is only one. And listen carefully to the other person, give him or her your full attention. Listening involves more than just the ears - there is additional information given in the tone and register of the words used, in facial expression and body language. Is the other person really listening to you, or does he/she have a glazed expression or one eye on the TV?

Conversation is food for the soul. It acknowledges our existance. It feeds our need for recognition.

Time for a snack

Toddlers and children under 5 have small tummies but big physical expediture. We can't expect them to make it from one meal to the next without a top-up. This is where snacks come in.

Parents need to learn first, so that they can teach their children, that snacks are little mini-meals - food that can be eaten anytime you feel hungry. So a snack might be a small peanut butter sandwich, some fresh fruit, nuts and raisins, yoghurt or a few wheat crackers and a small piece of cheese.

Although it is tempting - in the interest of speed, if nothing else - to offer biscuits as a snack, these (even plain biscuits) should be reserved as treats.

So a snack is something that is nourishing, and can be eaten any time little ones are hungry. Treats are occassional, for birthday parties and such. And it is fine to introduce children to treats - as long as they (and you) know the difference.